‘CAUSE THAT’S PERFECT TO ME!

[“STOP!
WAIT!
DON’T EAT THAT, IT HAS 800 CALORIES!”

“STOP!
WAIT!
DON’T BUY THAT DRESS, YOU WILL LOOK SHORT!”

“STOP!
WAIT!
PLEASE PUT THESE BANGLES ON, THIS BINDI & DAB SOME COMPACT,
TRY AND LOOK LIKE A GIRL!”]

“BUT HEY, HOLD ON!
ISN’T THERE A SAYING ‘LIVE AND LET LIVE?”

PIK1

Isn’t this the answer we need to tell them? But what do we do? Many-a-times, we go by their choices  – leave that cheesy pizza on the plate, put that white dress back on the shelf and coat the MAC on our face! And end up like how they want us to be!

So, who am I?

A Sagittarius born, South-Indian girl from a middle class family with certain reservations, yet full of life and happiness. I was a beautiful baby with curly hair, who would always have something to talk about. My mother was a working lady who struggled to make our ends meet.As a child, I was very fond of Minu Talwar, the Doordarshan News Reporter, her beautiful smile and a composed demeanour quite attracted me(still does) and I aspired to be beautiful like her.2

3

Then came the magic of Princess Diana, who mesmerized the world with her killer looks and fashion styles. How can I forget THE DIANA CUT? The 6 year old me had just loved it and then the next thing I remember is getting my hair trimmed! But thanks to the then barber shops, yes you heard it right!, I just got the bob cut. So with that champi on my curly hair, I always thought I was the next Diana! Also, i was a bony child who just loved playing hard with bats & balls, all greased up in sweat and soil. Hence practically I was left with many boy-friends. Girls my age, thought that I was weird and totally uncool.  But then, bachpan mein kya farak padta hai!

4

The same thing continued for years, but now there was an addition – SPECS at 7th standard! I was officially called as ‘Daapni’ or ‘E-Daapan’ or ‘Chaar Aankhwali’. To be very honest, I was shaken now. I realized I was not beautiful, had no charms in attracting the guys like other girls(but I was their play-buddy). And then gradually, the cookie had started to crumble.

My 11th & 12th further deterred me because now there were no uniforms. We had the options to flaunt our best dresses, put the make-up, wear the sandals that matched the outfits, carry the stylish bags. But then, coming from a typical middle class south Indian family, I was always in those 5 punjabi dresses or the two blue jeans and few polo neck t-shirts with a bindi. Why? Remember trying to be a girl! My hair length was till my shoulder now, still curled up(champi –only 2 times a week).

My life went on and then came college life. Isn’t it the best part of one’s life where one gets to choose the dresses, hangout with a cool group, attend the prestigious days, flaunt and be the ‘Radha on the dance floor?’
But then, cool group and uncool me cannot go together right? I had my wardrobe now which was approved as per the South Indian standards. I never did any makeup apart from the kajal and now Bindi was just on occasions (YES, I was a rebel too!).

I went on to do my PG in Events & PR, which violated all the rules that my mom set. I traveled locally, met people around as a part of curriculum, worked as a committee member to arrange many events, entered the glamorous world of awards and accolades. Although I thoroughly enjoyed doing it, my mom’s worries enlarged, as I started stepping in at the wee hours of night. My heart was contended because I followed my passion, but the mind was continuously occupied to match the beauty standards of the world. I still was cringing in my heart to look pretty and stylish.

5

A year after, I started my work life that meant more late nights and a worried mother. Now, I brought pretty clothes from reasonable retail outlets because high brands were still luxury. Make-up was still an alien concept to me, it still is. My specs became frame less, so I could use eyeliners now. Somewhere, with all these things of matching up to the fashionable globe, I was putting on few pounds by eating out as a routine.

When I got married I was size M, which is still fared well as per the INDIAN MARRIAGE STANDARDS. My specs were gone as I did my laser surgery. It was only after I conceived I moved to size L and gradually for the sake of comfort SIZE XL. Post delivery, baby was out  but the extra pounds stayed as a part of my body. Initially, I never bothered as I was too busy with my son. But after an year or so, the cringing was back. I was not fitting in the world where moms like Shilpa and Kareena were a rage. Shopping for self was no more a happy affair, but an activity that drove me crazy. Now, when my baby was 2, I had to undergo a slipped disc surgery. Self-confidence ka dhaijyaa udd gaya. I was not supposed to lift my baby, sit down with him to play and this killed me.

But many days after when I was all hale and hearty, something dawned on me:
I had raised the world standards so high and put myself so low!
I had forgotten how I believed in my Bob-Cut when girls around me had long neat plaits!
I had forgotten that in a world full of hustles, there were people with composure and how I admired that quality!
I had forgotten how getting sweaty never mattered to me, but how the laughters and winning streaks mattered!
I had forgotten the beautiful girl in me filled with happiness and life!

These realizations shook me hard and now I just say “ENOUGH” when I wish to. I stop the people right-away when they want to call me fat, or say how big my tummy is! Yes its big – it has accommodated a human.

Now, that I have started to love me again, my body again, accept who I am – I am sure I will shake it off!

So till then, let me flaunt it because I own it!

And for all those who wear their veil of makeups and find it ridiculous that I don’t use one, I only have one thing to say:
Don’t feel like putting make-up on my cheeks
Do what I wanna
Love every single part of my body
Top to the bottom
I’m not a supermodel from a magazine
I’m okay with not being perfect
‘Cause that’s perfect to me
No matter where I go, everybody stares at me
Not into fancy clothes, I’m rockin’ baggy jeans
Gettin’ too close for comfort
But comfort is what I need
So I eat my body weight in chocolate and ice cream, ah
Maybe I bite my nails and don’t think before I speak
Don’t fit in any crowd, don’t ever get much sleep
I wish my legs were bigger, bigger than New York city
And I’ll love who I want to love
‘Cause this love is gender free
Sometimes I wake up late
And don’t even brush my teeth
Just wanna stuff my face with leftover mac and cheese
You know I get depressed
Are you impressed with my honesty?
But I’ll wear what I wanna wear
‘Cause I’m cool with what’s underneath, mmm
Don’t feel like putting make-up on my cheeks
Do what I wanna
Love every single part of my body
Top to the bottom
I’m not a supermodel from a magazine
I’m okay with not being perfect
‘Cause that’s perfect to me
‘Cause that’s perfect to me

This post is a part of #UnapologeticGirlz Blogathon @mylittlemuffin hosted by, @mommyvoyage and @themomsagas, sponsored by @kaurageousyou

It brings me immense pleasure to share that I, along with 30 other bloggers are celebrating Women’s Day with a twist.

I thank another awesome mom Sneha Jubin who blogs at www.itsatwinningstory.wordpress.com for introducing me. Take a peak at the world from her perspective .

I would also take the opportunity to introduce Aditi Anand who blogs at https://www.teatimetalkies.com/. Do check her blog to take a look at her take on Self Love

Thanks to all three creative organizers of this Blogathon who came up with such innovative prompts.